• Marianne Wieland

Cutting Ties and Letting Go


I have been thinking a lot lately about 'letting go' and 'cutting ties'. Both are as different as they are the same. Both have been very difficult in my life. I don't do either very easily. I also know I am not alone in that thought. Letting go is usually associated with an event that is personal in nature that requires us to acknowledge that ending as something in our life that is final or something that has to be or is out of our hands. Cutting ties is usually a decision that we make, also for personal reasons, out of necessity or self-preservation. Both difficult. Both painful. Both liberating.

When my mother died 4 years ago, I did not handle it well, but I managed to get through by following my usual routines at work and at home. That is how most of us cope with personal losses until we find a new routine that works for us in our new way of life. It took forever for me to be able to clear the room of her things and feel comfortable in the room. It was probably over two years before I was able to do that.When my youngest son left home, I did not, as usual, handle it well. Things at home had been hard for years and when he turned eighteen, he found the opportunity to escape. I spent nearly eight months coming to terms with it. I went to work and I came home and sat on the couch. One day I realized I had to let him live his life as he wanted and not as I wanted. I let him go. It was hard.

On the other hand, cutting ties is more of an aggressive gesture. You have to make a move to make a change. For example, in a destructive relationship you consciously know you need to get out. You need to take that step, but you may be inundated with the 'maybe I should just...' or ' what if I...' or 'if I just do this then they will...' Very tough spot to be in. It takes courage and sometimes much support to accomplish this goal. Very personal struggles for me. We need to help each other. Be there for each other and most of all be honest with each other and that can make a world of difference for us all. For with honesty, and heart, the situation could change for the better.

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